...and with that last post, my Fandalism page passed the #million view mark. Thank you for your patronage. fandalism.com/jmsmig jmsmig.com jmsmig.bandcamp.com #1millionviews #onemillionviews #classicalmusic #contemporaryclassical #edm #electronica #electronicmusic #garagerock #guitar #modernclassical #nujazz #progressiverock #salem #salemma #salemmassachusetts #witchcity

It's #BandcampFriday! The Crazy Covid special continues with albums for $1.90 and singles for $1.09, including the latest release “RIP F'in Covid Breeder”! Whatta bahgun! Feel free to hold your breath for #freedownloads. http://jmsmig.bandcamp.com #bandcamp #edm #electronicmusic #electronic #indietronica #nudisco #nujazz #progressiverock

Happy 2020!

HFBFZ. Hope you had a zappy #Zappadan. It's probably going to take you a week to listen to the #HotRats box set so in between disc changes, come on over to #Bandcamp and download Unsmigitated Audcaity, a unique electonic interpretation of #Zappa classics, FREE through tonight. . If Frank were still here, he'd probably recommend you listen to Manofgod, the album that killed #BernardLaw, released on this date in 2017, featuring the #Hannukah staple "#Niggun Lover". . On another note, Professional Static, released on my birthday in 2017, is once again available on iTunes and other streaming services. For licensing reasons, the retail version no longer includes "Teresa" but you can still download the track for free on jmsmig.bandcamp.com. . #Music is the best. Namahalom. Oh, yeah. Don't forget about the modern Christmas classic "Massive Elves". Stream it now or get in at Bandcamp b/w "#Kwanzaa Lady".

HFT

Stella's Secret

Metal Meditations (Complete): All three volumes now in one set. Bug and Buy: https://jmsmig.bandcamp.com/album/metal-meditations-complete

Peaches En Regalia (revised): Uploaded a new mix due to a previously missed audio glitch. I'd apologize for any earaches but it's not as though you paid to listen. Full size ears recommended for best listening. Listen/download at jmsmig.bandcamp.com Revised mix available soon at MP3 retailers and streaming services.

Illuminatis and Beer, new EP on Bandcamp and CD Baby.

Massive Elves (work in progress, mono demo). Halloween is passé to us Salem natives so I'm getting a headstart on Christmas. Preview & pre-order: jmsmig.bandcamp.com

On this day of thanks, I just want to thank everyone who checked out the Fandalism page. Nearly 169,000 views since the first post on August 2013. I'm retiring the page since all of the music can be heard elsewhere. So thanks for listening and you can really show your appreciation by buying it at your favorite online music retailer. Buy music, dammit.

"Batwanger - Volume 1: Deliverance". 21 sonic slices of six-string psychedelia and sundries for sophisticated schizophrenics. First volume of a lo-fi compilation of jams, covers and originals. Go to www.jmsmig.com for details.

The Happy Satan store. Buy bumper stickers and other unnecessary crap. All proceeds fund future musical projects. Support the arts, dammit.

Advertisement: "Hiss In Vinegar"

Advertisement: "Hiss In Vinegar".

Cover Art: "Hiss In Vinegar".

Cover art: "Music For Sophisticated Schizophrenics".

Advertisement: "Slave To The Music".

Advertisement: "Tattoos and Music".

Advertisement: "Smell The Music".

Advertisement: "Hiss In Vinegar".

Providence Firebird: Variation on "Final Hymn" from The Firebird (Stravinsky)

Hurryin' Him

Pubic Transportation

Every Man And Every Woman Is A Star Market

Guilt White Hip

RIP, F'in Covid Breeder

Pango Tango

Sophistcated tApes Vol. 1 - Fresh experimental music, free download!

Sophisticated tApes Vol. 1, a free download from Sophisticated Ape Radio, featuring tracks from JMS and other independent artists that might be cooler than you. https://sophisticatedape.bandcamp.com/album/sophisticated-tapes-vol-1

Bron-Yr-Aur Butt Baby (Radio Edit 2020 - excerpt), from the album Fingers In The Forest. Hear the full track at http://jmsmig.bandcamp.com.

Every Man And Every Woman Is A Star Market: new album coming in April.

Making Modern Muzak. New album next year.

SWISS LORRAINE When I get the hunger I pull you from cold storage slide out the drawer and find you lookin' good as porridge I love the way that your smell comes with age That funky cheese aroma puts me in a rage Swiss Lorraine I'm gonna eat you again Bitin' down hard but you won't feel the pain Swiss Lorraine I'm gonna eat you again Spread it like a lover all over the grain Got your yellow holes spread out on the table Your baby's in the next room thinkin' he's Clark Gable Starin' in the mirror mournin' his roots tryin' on your makeup and wearin' your boots Swiss Lorraine I'm gonna eat you again Bitin' down hard but you won't feel the pain Swiss Lorraine I'm gonna eat you again Spread it like a lover all over the grain ______________________________ ©2020 J. M. Smig / Sophisticated Schizophrenic

Swiss Lorraine. Free download on Bandcamp through Halloween. http://jmsmig.bandcamp.com

Redneck Reveille

Behind the Barn Door, Pt. 1

Hey Hey My My

Powerhouse Bastard

Assburger's Blues

Communication Breakdown

Doushebag Blues

Dada Gada

Fags Smile in Main Street

Boston Batwanger

Chic Sweat Digs

The Lowdown

Jam

Jimmy Page Wannabe Blues

Rain Song

Priapus Rising

Hare Gina

Behind the Barn Door, Pt. 2

Hurricane Leah (Entrance)

Meditation No. 1

Meditation No. 2

Meditation No. 3

Meditation No. 4

Meditation No. 5

Meditation No. 6

Meditation No. 7, Pt. 1

Meditation No. 7, Pt. 2

Meditation No. 8

Meditation No. 9

Hurricane Leah (Exit)

Zoot Allures

Dog Meat

Bebop Tango

Peaches en Regalia

Watermelon in Easter Hay

Music ©℗2020 JMS / Sophisticated Schizophrenic.

VINNIE An old man with his old ways watches the TV 24 hours for 30 years. On the couch, he permanently sleeps. He's a coward. He's a Catholic and he hasn't been to church in years but he still sends them money so they keep him in their prayers. He used to take the taxi two blocks to the liquor store. Since they stopped his drinking, he don't go out any more. And he stands up and he pisses in a jug kept on the floor missing those Russian spirits that once helped him out the door.

Patate

Providence Firebird (sneak preview, preliminary mix). Bonus track exclusive to Bandcamp purchases of the single "RIP F'in Covid Breeder", otherwise unavailable until the next full album is released in April.

Highway Jelly (2018 remaster)

Fairy Lust (original version, 2018 remaster)

J. M. Smig - Jimmy Page Wannabe Blues. Reposted after the original was flagged by a lonely virgin who probably still lives in his parents' basement.

Jimmy Page Wannabe Blues

Just for the hell of it, I recently submitted "Angie Gangbang" to a ReverbNation crowd review. This is the complete unedited report. An interesting variety of responses, especially the ones referring to the song as an instrumental. The fields after each review state whether the reviewer would listen again, the number of seconds they actually listened, and a score from 1-10. All typos were copied and pasted as is. 30M: For as simple as it is, the song is still pretty entertaining all around. The name is questionable, but the song is still pretty catchy and memorable. Yes 63 8 40M: I didn't like this song, it sounded very amateur and blend. The mix was not good and the production was bad. They need a lot of work. No 61 2 29M: I like how the song instrumental has an interestingly engaging sound with a very distinctive and also exotic touch to it as well, very likable. Yes 78 10 49F: I like the background music and instrumentals its a catchy upbeat tune with a good beat and rhythm. Sounds like a song that would be played in a video game. Yes 155 6 24F: I like the melody on this song. The guitar chords are played very well and it is mesmerizing. I like the vocals on this track. Yes 38 9 33M: I like the song the beat is great the rhythm is great the instrumental is great the vocals are great the song is of good quality and production. Yes 59 10 25F: I really like the beat of the song. It's soft and mellow and really draws you in. But there was a background noise at the beginning that was too squeaky for me. No 35 3 34F: I thought the song was ok. The instrumentals and beat sounded good, but it felt a bit too repetitive for me. No 82 5 43M: I'm not to sure about the title being an appropriate image for a country song. The intro is not very appealing and I really dont care for the rest of the song either. No 151 1 30M: Instrumentals in the song are a bit strange along with the beat and rhythm of the track. Sound production could be better as well for the most part. No 311 40M: Pretty interesting tune here. Lots of cool sounds for sure. I think this is definitely good for a movie. No 90 6 41M: The beat was good but there where really no lyrics to speak of. So this is not something I would want to hear again. No 187 4 35F: The song does not have much sense. The structure sounds out of rhythm with the voice, and the voice is whispering instead of singing. I am not sure this is could be called a song. No 187 2 26M: The song has a cool and unique feel to it that I really enjoy. The high pitched bell in the intro was really harsh on my ears though. No 32 5 36M: The song has a nice soft and relaxed feel to it. The melody is upbeat and energetic which keeps my interest. The beat adds depth and keeps the tempo steady. Yes 60 7 31M: The song has decent vibe but the sound quality could be a little better and the tone could have gotten better faster as well. No 33 5 24M: The song has some great oriental vibes to the mix here. It sounds calming and assuring the mix of the track here. It sounds like some Japan stuff to me. No 30 5 44F: The sounds in this song were very irritating to listen to. They were way to sharp and I couldn't understand the lyrics at all. This song did not sound like country at all to me. No 106 2 28F: This certainly didn't seem like a standard country song. It seemed to be entirely instrumental, and did not appeal to me personally. I think this was categorized in the wrong genre, but might appeal to someone wanting classical music. No 53 1 44F: This didn't really sound country to me. It was more of an EDM song, it was very odd, too fast to dance to and I didn't undersstand what message it was trying to convey because I couldn't understand the lyrics. No 123 4 59F: This isnt a Country song and the title is a turn off. Its a instrumental or a EDM or electronica type song. Just too futuristic for me, hard to follow. No 125 3 30F: This song has a very beautiful and heartfelt melody, it’s calming and relaxing, different and unique, I really loved listening to this song, awesome. Yes 57 6 52F: This song is somewhat disgusting, the title and the lyrics. It will guarantee that the redneck audience will buy it up, make it a huge hit. Awful song. No 82 1 44F: This song is way too tech and monotonous. The "lyrics" are terrible. I would never listen to this again. There is nothing positive I have to say about it. No 159 1 41F: This was a strange song. The change was dramatic. It was interesting. The mood changed. I kinda liked it. A possible hit in my mind. Yes 88 5

James Don't Drive (instrumental pre-vocal mix)

Little Drummer Boy (2016 remix)

Farmer John (2016 remix)

Don Ho Pie (2016 remix)

Is anyone else having a problem uploading pictures?

Ecstasy In Clubland (original version): 1st movement

Ecstasy In Clubland (original version): 2nd movement

Ecstasy In Clubland (original version): 3rd movement

HAPPY NEW YEAR Say hello to the new year. Will you say goodbye to the same old shit? Will you trust your eye just a little bit? You know. Say goodbye to your problems. Say a little "hi" to forgotten dreams, to survivors of demolished schemes you know. Look up high to what you want. Look down low to what you know. You can see it. Now try to be it. Hesitation's passé. Just go. Say hello to an old friend, not the kind with the scar and gout but the kind that's strung in tune, not out, you know. Say goodbye to Coco, Mary, Al and Jesus. I think nothing more would please us. Don't cha know? Look up high to what you want. Look down low to what you know. You can see it. Now try to be it. Hesitation's passé. Just go. And all you need is heart to play the part. Happy New Year. ©2019 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

I KNOW WHAT YOUR DAD DID I heard the word. Your kid ain't the Third. Your dad was doin' ya. The kid is his junior. I know what your dad did. He fathered his own grandkid. It ain't no fun when your brother's your son. How do you intoduce him to everyone? I know what your dad did. He fathered his own grandkid. ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

AMBIENTISM AND THE TASTE OF JISM Welcome to the arcade My name is David I’ll be servicing you today Please feed the machine and we may proceed You may close the door and open the window at no extra fee I like the extra flavor Very spicy I take it you’re not a vegetarian We’re having a special today Your deposit gets you a free CD Now Reverend Phil will absolve you of your guilt for a nominal fee ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

ANGIE GANGBANG Angie was a Catholic whore Four kids, two dads, maybe more She specialized in growing grass while her queer son aced in blowing ass Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang All her kids were fat and stoned except her son, all skin and bone, stuck on meds of every class 'cuz his cousin cummed in his ass Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang One day, they found Angie dead, a pipe implanted in her head It was the son who caused that gash, stole her meds and stole her stash Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang The jury gave him twenty years Now he's jailed with other queers who've given him his new found fame Allie Gangbang's his new name Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang Angie Gangbang Like mother, like son ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

BEBE LAVODKA Puta Puta Rubia Yo yo yo Your mama’s a ho She's not a real blonde and she showed me so ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

GAY MARINE Someone said that you were gay so you married your fag hag the very next day Yup, you’re gay Yup, you’re gay Yup, you’re gay Gay marine ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

GUYS WITH PIES Guys with pies are chicks in disguise, absolutely nothing between their thighs Real men don't taste like fish! ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

IT'S ONLY AVANT- GARDE THE FIRST TIME You are Marcel DuChump reading from the page You are a bigger fag than John fucking Cage I saw that same old shit yesterday You are not original You are just fucking gay ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

ME TOO HORNY Today, your name is Weinstein Tomorrow, it'll be Fierstein Me too Me too Me too Me too Me too horny You know you want it ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

MICHAEL VERDUGO They saw your flick claimed it was sick Michael Verdugo You got fired 'cause they got a hard dick Michael Verdugo Even the governor couldn't give you a pardon To see you in uniform gives him a hardon Michael Verdugo ------------------------------ ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

PEPE'S REVENGE You made fun of a gay waiter You bought drugs at a gay bar Of course you died on Gay Pride Day, you fucking retard Putnam the gay baiter ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

THE PRIEST CAME LAST You say you were raped but you came first If that priest's a perv, that makes you the worst ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

RICKY LICKY LAPHAM Cut off your dick You raped a minor Blow yourself while they fuck your vagina Don't blame the coke You're a natural fail Kill yourself before you get out of jail Die! ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

RING AROUND THE DILDO I met him in a bath house He was doggy on a bed He wanted me to fist him but he had a big red ring around the dildo ring around the dildo ring around the dildo You might wanna check yourself there ©2018 J. M. SMIG / SOPHISTICATED SCHIZOPHRENIC

ODE TO J. (April 9, 2018) It's been a year since we lost you. Some would argue longer, since the day you handed the keys to the just man and the wolf who would proclaim you guile in name as well as in deed. I waited thirty years for the door to open, to see the legend and hear the magic without dissipation or disappointment. I would hold a feast in your honor on Monkey Island and the Big M should lead the toast. Farewell, John. I don't know how they found you; maybe armed, with a bottle of rage or sadness, but I hope you found warmth and heaven amidst the ghosts of Chicago, the Kings and heroes of your youth, as you were a hero to me. Namahalo. --------------------- ©℗ 2018 J. M. Smig / Sophisticated Schizophrenic.

SNAPPER CRAPPER (AKA CRAPPER DELIGHT) It’s the end of the night. You’re at the end of the bar. You’re both drunk and lonely and you get in her car. She fed you some wine and a little cognac and the next thing she knows, you’re sniffin’ round her back and she says, “What do you think you’re doin’?” You say, “Come on baby. Don’t let this night go to ruin. “You know what I want. You know that you want the same. Don’t you be sayin’ that line. Don’t you be playin’ that game.” CHORUS: You gotta go down on her snapper while you’re diggin’ her crapper. Go down on her snapper while you’re diggin’ her crapper. Go down on her snapper while you’re diggin’ her crapper. Go down on her snapper while you’re diggin’ her crapper. You’re both half-dressed and you’re both half-cocked and the window is open. They can hear you down the block. You call her Jane but her name is Jill. You rub it with your thumb and ask if she’s on the pill. You get off the pants and the panties, too. You pull them down with your teeth and she laughs at you. When she’s not looking, you sniff the lace then you grab her by the hips and pull her to your face. (CHORUS) Red wings, brown wings. You just don’t care as long as she’s got it sticking up in the air. You want to give her a ram, you’ve got to give her a ream. You’ve got to build up the cream. You’ve got to make her scream. So you’re getting her going and she’s grinding and bucking. She’s says she’s getting there and you’re not even fucking. You want to get her ready to feed her the beef because you think you’re so big that you’ll make her queef. (CHORUS) You’re both going down hard and it’s feeling real pleasant. Then with a wink of her eye, she gives you a present. (CHORUS) and around and around… -------------------------- © 2017 J. M. Smig / Sophisticated Schizophrenic.

RAT THE NEWT Rat's a little, little slick, little slick newt. Lives in a cave sittin' under a boot. Lives in a cave and waits for the flood 'cuz little slick newts like to play in the mud. Havin' mud fights with his friend Mister Fly, Pullin' him down and gettin' mud in his eye. Rat's a little, little slick, little slick newt. Lives in a cave sittin' under a boot. Swimmin' in the mud, Rat met a fish who told him to kiss her and make a wish. Rat put his nose and his tail in the air and said "Get lost, fish. I don't really care." Rat hit the fish with a willow reed. He hit her so hard that she started to bleed. Rat's a little, little slick, little slick newt. Lives in a cave sittin' under a boot. Rat's a little, little slick, little slick newt. Lives in a cave sittin' under a boot. He don't like fish but he likes the mud and swimmin' in and out when it mix with the blood. Rat's a little, little slick, little slick newt. Lives in a cave sittin' under a boot. --------------------------- ©2016 J. M. Smig / Sophisticated Schizophrenic

JAMES DON'T DRIVE It had been a bad day in court for James. He had spent the day defending his client, a Russian resident alien who was in the country on a student visa but got popped for selling his ass and an 8-ball of coke to an undercover cop in a Providence bath house. The case against his client appeared to be hermetically sealed and made of solid steel. The bath house had a security video with an image so clear that the jury could see the points of the Russian hammers and sickles tattooed on each of his client's butt cheeks. James attempted to get the charge dismissed on grounds of entrapment, arguing that the cop came first, but in the amount of time that it would take a one-legged man to put on a pair of pants, the jury came back with a guilty verdict. James drove to his regular watering hole and was now drinking frozen mudslides like McDonald's shakes. Frank the bartender, a tall Sicilian with frog lips that could suck the husk off a coconut, poured another one as James sat back in his chair and attempted to balance his miniature spoon keychain on the arc of his distended stomach. James' client, who had also been his primary dealer, hadn't yet paid him anything beyond his retainer before being whisked away to a detention facility to await deportation. It looked like the rent was going to be late again. James heard the door open and his nose was assaulted by patchouli and mothballs. His neck creaked as he rotated his head. It was the dancing fool. The dancing fool was a middle-aged art school dropout and a registered sex offender of an undisclosed nature. He had a hairline like St. Francis that he attempted to hide by growing his hair to his feet and tying it back like a samurai. He never bought a drink but would gravitate to the open floor in the middle of the bar and just dance and dance and dance, twirling and jerking like a ballerina on blotter acid until Frank would get fed up and give him a choice between hitting the bar or hitting the road. The only reason that he was allowed in the bar at all was because he usually had a delivery for one of the regulars. The dancing fool made a living as a runner for Little Vinnie and a couple of the other local hoods. He also made extra money selling drawings of boy scouts to a retired army sergeant who worked as a counselor at the YMCA day camp and always insisted that the boys be drawn with Japanese eyes. The dancing fool grooved to the jukebox as he shuffled toward James like Michael Jackson moonwalking in reverse. this time, he had a delivery for James. The two of them went into the mens room and crammed into a stall. While an unemployed actor serviced a Marine in the adjacent stall, James dipped his pinky into the small bag of powder and put it to his tongue. There was so much baking powder cut into it that he could use it to make pancakes. He pulled out his cell phone and called Little Vinnie. He had paid up front and wanted his money back. Little Vinnie wasn't picking up. No matter. He had done enough pro bono work for Vinnie's family in the past to know where to find him. He knew that this was the night that Vinnie was running illegal duck fights in the back of his body shop. As James drove to the body shop, he called Scott, his backup dealer. “Sorry, dude. No dice.” Scott proceeded to explain that Vinnie was giving hot food stamps to all the Mexican kids in the neighborhood in exchange for shoplifting all the baking powder in town. The law of supply and demand was forcing the other dealers to sell it pure at cut price, depleting inventories faster than normal. “Can i interest you in some nice homegrown Purple Urkel instead?" From the unlocked rear entrance to the body shop, James could hear quacks and cheering. A crowd of old men and gangbangers stood in a circle goading two malnourished ducks with razor blades taped to their bills. James saw Vinnie in the corner and put a gun to his head. Vinnie laughed and called his bluff. Before Little Vinnie could call his goons, James pushed his way through the crowd and scooped up one of the ducks. He made a mad dash for the door, Vinnie’s goons following him in hot pursuit, but he held them back by swinging the duck like a machete. James escaped, peeling out of the parking lot like a snake out of old skin. He knew what he would do. He would hide the duck and hold it for ransom. But he needed a place to hide the duck. He knew the perfect place. He couldn't think of a better place than his mother's house. His mother worked for the Archdiocese. Little Vinnie wouldn't dare cross the church. James drove to the house and used the spare key hidden under the porch Madonna to let himself in. His mother was in the kitchen making dinner. James flopped down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, dripping blood and sweat. As his mother turned around in surprise, he noticed that there were two plates set. He didn't think that she was expecting him. “This isn't for you. I have a new boyfriend and he's coming for dinner. He's gonna be here any minute.” Just then, the doorbell rang. “That must be him." As his mother went to answer the door, James' nerves began to unravel like the waxed line of a broken fishing rod as he stared at the dead duck hanging limp by its neck from his closed fist. On the way in, he had managed to rip the blade off of the duck's bill but barely realized that he had snapped its neck in the process. His leverage was gone. The sweat froze in place on his face as he heard a click and felt a gun press against the back of his head. “You killed my duck." He turned to see Little Vinnie scowling at him as he aimed the gun at his face. His mother casually walked back into the kitchen and drained the pasta that had been boiling on the stove. "Vinnie, why is he still alive? Didn't you cut it with rat poison like i asked? James, you ain't gonna drive me crazy no more!" Now James don’t drive ‘cuz James can’t drive. James can’t drive ‘cuz James ain’t alive. So be careful who you cross ’n don’t be dumb ‘cuz you never know who might be bangin’ your mom. Motherfucker! ------------------------------------- ©2015 J. M. Smig / Sophisticated Schizophrenic.

Ecstasy In Clubland (excerpt) - From the original guitar quartet version of "Ecstasy In Clubland" on Sit On A Single, a compilation of discontinued singles and EPs.

4621

Providence Firebird (mono demo).

Toolingayoni No. 2

Francis The Sinner

Little Sitars