David Martin - Songwriter - I’m completely screwball – my snooker has no cue ball. Normality’s no doable. I’m completely screwball.
3,492 views on fandalism
4
David Martin - Songwriter
I’m completely screwball – my snooker has no cue ball. Normality’s no doable. I’m completely screwball.
Uploaded 4 years ago
I reached for the safety of a condom, she said “Let’s make it natural, our lovemaking. Your family jewels you don’t need to guard ’em. You can be comfortable in your own skin”.
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202  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
It’s shít being me – they treat me like scum. I even got rejected by my very own mum. So a better future bodes, when the dear old sun implodes.
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54  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I’ve been there, I know what it’s like, I’ve been where you wouldn’t like. Now I care for all alike. May what happened to me, never happen to you.
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51  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I’m not as blue as my belly button fluff, but near enough, I huff and puff. I’m down and out, life’s so rotten, I’m all focused on my …. belly button.
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143  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I’m alone, but not lonely, in a strange world. If only people could just accept me, instead of wanting to reject me.
Received lots of comments & props
0
114  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
When will I be well? This is a living hell.
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63  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Violent night, Saturday night, all is harm, all is fight. Pounded by others who are going wild, hopefully someone an ambulance has dialled Sleep it off in A&E, sleep it off in A&E.
Received lots of comments & props
1
1,817  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
She was only the butcher’s daughter, but my life she just made fraught. A day came, I couldn’t expect, how she acted just like a mad cow.
Received lots of comments & props
1
2,042  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Ill-at-ease activities rarely please the Javanese; but it’s always fun to celebrate Diwali, when you’re in Bali.
0
1,656  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Chickens are dull – you just would not pay money to see them at the zoo today. If they ever had sense, out of them it’s been drilled, and the only good chicken is one that’s grilled.
2
1,729  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I’m learning the guitar, and being a good strummer. I wish to get real far by next summer.
Received lots of comments & props
4
2,164  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You may think that I am spiteful, to the holy I’m unkind, but I’m sure my return to employment will suit me just fine.
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1,758  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Big breasts resting on an even bigger belly – not enthralling, just appalling, more like custard than set jelly. No thanks, love, I’m watching telly.
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3,224  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
When you told me we were through, I didn’t know what I’d done to you. I did what I thought was right; how did we get into this plight?
1
2,725  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Don’t you think you ought to get married? A question, a suggestion or implied instruction – with your own importance away you were carried ... How did you dare to ask me that?
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2,933  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I could take your woman any time I fancied. Her arm against mine left no room for doubt. A subtle little signal I discreetly answered. It’s her life, she wants me in, and you right out.
Received lots of comments & props
1
3,317  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
But soon is the start of my grey autumn season, that’s making me think life is rats. Faculties falling like leaves from a tree, and so I’m nearing my time to go.
Received lots of comments & props
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5,446  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Where there’s a will, there’s a way, I found out to my cost one day. Siblings got in such a state, fighting for their mum’s estate. Sharing a third is just not nifty – better to go fifty-fifty.
2
4,124  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Santa Claus heals his ailments with ho ho homeopathic remedies, and mulled wine makes him feel fine, with woollies for his extremities.
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2,717  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
He’s out of sight, he’s out of mind. Thank God we kicked him out on the street. We gave that loony’s sad behind the boot. Hallelujah for our feat!
Received lots of comments & props
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9,631  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
The landlord had live music at the local pub – he hired a band that only played roots reggae and dub. The guitar was skanking, bass drum beat on the third, the female backing was a joy to be heard.
1
13,247  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You suck, you suck, they think you’re such a dope. You suck, you suck, you succeed where others lose hope.
1
5,623  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Panama Papers, Panama Papers, read all about it: rich tax dodge capers. Secret funds these days are such a must, when they are hidden in an offshore trust.
1
4,677  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
So, butt out with your butt! Your butt’s way too big, but if you’ve not got a boyfriend, I’d quite like to get my hands right on your …. butt.
1
8,903  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Herstory, it is just for wimmin, to find all the sheroes they are skimming records from the past, then at last at the feminist church they’ll sing hers.
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3,606  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My disability is a liability. I don’t conform to neuro-typicality, can’t do chit chat triviality, bored stiff with sport topicality.
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3,349  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
’Cause I trust you, I trust you, yes, indeed, I trust you. I trust you, I trust you, you are what I need.
1
3,998  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My life is empty and meaningless, I wish I’d not been born. I’m crestfallen and forlorn, for life I just feel such scorn and derision, yet nevertheless ….
0
3,759  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
A better world is waiting, where we care for each other, and each vulnerable person is our sister or our brother.
0
5,580  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
The scum cries out, downstairs they all shout. Everyone’s a lout, disorder all about. They’ve served their time, but on the top floor I’m feeling life’s a crime. Things are not sublime.
1
3,311  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Dementia, dementia, demon dentures, voicing volatile adventures, shouting, screaming, senseless censures, reason dangles – a mind untangles.
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3,159  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Oh flipping, heck, it’s another sound check – testing, testing: one, two, three. Get the balance right, for once tonight. We’ll get there eventually.
1
3,573  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I met the vanguard of the future in a Caribbean restaurant. A Polish waitress served me – it didn’t feel quite right. She wasn’t black, she was white. I’m paying money, I’m uptight!
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4,480  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
What’s so intelligent about this design? I see nothing special in this body of mine. The idea of a creator is logic defied, I can’t see how their architect ever qualified.
1
3,524  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Relent, repent, it’s almost Lent,it’s time for our religious bent. We’ll smile awhile ’cause we’ve confessed our sins with good intent.
1
3,008  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
What comes after the afterlife? Is there an after-afterlife? Or is this already the afterlife, and no-one remembers the before-afterlife?
4
4,523  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Sitting in a transport caff, I’m not here having a laugh, but I see the face of Jesus in my still warm slice of toast. Is it the work of the holy ghost preventing me applying cheeses?
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5,174  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
“I am a woman with a right to choose. I demand respect. Just what on earth is the reason for God to abuse my body with this so-called holy birth?”
1
3,805  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You can’t take what you deliver, ’cause you have a yellow liver, and you lack the stomach, while others suffer all your bile.
2
4,033  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
We’re riding on the antepenultimate bus. It’s quarter past ten, just the four of us, we’re discussing anti-sexism and anti-racism, and also antidisestablishmentarianism.
2
5,395  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
What if I told you that I loved you, would those words just not delight you? Would their meaning not excite you, and inside your passion ignite?
1
3,822  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I can bear the pain of stones and sticks, but the sting of words forever sticks. Try to think before saying words impure. We can build a love that ever sticks.
1
3,199  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I don’t want to go on, I just want to be gone; no reason to prolong.
1
3,736  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
On Pastor Paul, fortune does fall, the church has seen his needs are quenched. We pay the cash, he makes a splash, and yet his followers get drenched.
2
4,125  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Do you remember those advertising slogans, the ones that you saw on the television – commercial breaks on quarter-hour round-ups destined to send you on a spending mission?
2
3,721  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Shame on the lot of you – on minds far from arable you can’t sow a parable, you pass by on the other side.
2
4,137  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You seek mistreatment, you take all that tosh. Oh my goodness – oh golly gosh! Your husband took your dignity and whittled it away, now you’re completely belittled.
2
4,096  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I'm impressed with your chest - it is a temptation test. It mesmerises both my eyes - yes now I have confessed
2
3,899  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Lucy, Lucy, take good care, on your journey, getting there. Let us know that it is fun, in your new life in the sun.
3
4,522  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I'm a bastard, unwanted outcasted. No Dad at home, he was away farther, hoisting flags up his pole - he'd rather do that, the beggar, than be a real father to me.
1
4,126  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
David can’t come out to play. His train has crashed and lost all power. He has gone right off the rails.
5
3,968  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Up against the law, one, two, three or more, solidarity will assure justice for the poor.
2
3,424  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My family was in the middle classes – we were not uncouth industrial masses. From bad language we did forbear, it was all hypocrisy, I sincerely swear.
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4,156  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You hope there’s jam tomorrow, ’cause there’s only shit today. You’re so glad to be straight, ’cause God wouldn’t like you gay.
1
3,733  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Pair of stout boots – protect my feet from rough terrain (I’ve left the street). I’m now striding, country ramble, my life’s riding on this gamble. I’m on my way to home one day.
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3,811  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
One night to your house I crept, at a time you surely slept. If you'd known you would have wept - evil lurks on your doorstep.
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3,205  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
She’s a screwball counsellor, she’s a counsellor from hell. And you hope that she will cure you, but she’ll never make you well.
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4,908  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You think the world revolves around your behind – you wish that it were true, that. But the whole world knows you’re so unkind, ’cause you are a complete prat.
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3,929  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You went for a paddle, but your brain it was addled, and your mind it was all at sea. It’s a total wonder, your misconceived blunder didn’t give you a burial at sea.
2
3,958  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Why doesn’t tomb rhyme with bomb? Through the womb of reason I do roam, searching for the answer with aplomb, sifting the details with a fine comb.
2
4,161  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Now I recognise my worth, and managed to reduce my girth, I’ll find my ideal place on earth and have women by the jugful.
0
4,063  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My disillusion, a morale intrusion, helped ever hold me back, vital purpose I lacked. Never redeployed, just abandoned, unemployed. No more was I resisting, not living, just existing.
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3,589  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
He’s got a green belt in town planning and a desperate dan in reading comics, with third degree burns in studio tanning from the London School of Speaking Ebonics.
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4,089  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I am not alone, my life is my own. Though you see me with no other, I am not alone.
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3,661  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Who would win a good old scrap between Denis the Menace (UK) & Denis the Menace (US)? Who would be the comic hero, and who would be the tragic zero?
5
3,979  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Hands right off my heart and mind, let me be so bold as to strike a deal: you can’t control what I think and feel, so I’ll put me in front and you behind.
2
4,383  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I don’t chitter-chatter, I just splutter-splatter, I would rather be alone. Although I don’t natter, I’m not mad as a hatter, I’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome.
2
4,610  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I wanna watch some monkey tennis, and be interviewed by Dennis Pennis, and gulp down ice-cream at Ben & Jerry’s, then get fast-acting relief by chewing Rennies.
2
4,733  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You claim that you are happy, and that finally you’re free, but you know you’ll never find another man like me.
1
4,596  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
And when they were up, they were up; but when they were down, they were down; and after the latest defence cuts, to one thousand they were down.
1
4,819  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, evolution made it all.
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4,236  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Many people tell you that they ain’t your friend. You despise them, you fear them, you think they’re right round the bend. Make sure that you’re not on the receiving end of a DM boot.
3
4,414  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I’m not sailing my yacht in Yate, my vessel I’ll evacuate. I just do not have a full crew, the person I’m missing is you. I’m not sailing my yacht in Yate, my vessel I’ll evacuate.
1
4,550  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Your brains are rancid, your thoughts are not lucid, your ideas are rotten. You think with your bowels, you mispronounce vowels, and you talk, and you talk right out your bottom.
1
4,221  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You're ignorant, like a pig you grunt, you truly are a real bore/boar. You hog the most, you're no-one's roast, though I'd turn the spit and more.
1
3,538  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You have bad sex, she's just not skilled. You have bad sex, libido's killed. You have bad sex, you're unfulfilled. You have bad sex, there is no milk spilt.
2
4,470  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
I didn't start this war, but I know what it's for, and I can still take more, 'cause for once I know the score.
1
4,403  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
The book, you call a testament, has not been an impediment to all the falsehoods that you bear, whilst on that book you cynically swear.
1
3,263  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Curse that night back in June 1954, when two unworldly humans, they had sex, and passed on their defective genes, even though they had the means to prevent a life like a hex, miserable down to its core.
1
3,657  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Instead of coming out, you just prefer to shout. It doesn't make you macho, it just makes you a lout. You puff out your chest and boast so grandly - you haven't got a clue how to behave manly.
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3,800  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
There’s enough room to swing a cat in your house, and when you like you can be quiet as a mouse, but it looks like a dead horse you try to flog, when I see you just can’t control your dog.
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4,447  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
We were never “us”. I just had no idea. I didn’t make a fuss for an end I didn’t fear. When you rocked the boat, I took no time to think. The vessel couldn’t float ’cause you wanted it to sink.
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3,616  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
What’s a penny less, when you’re penniless? What makes sense when you’ve got no cents? Nobody will sue when you haven’t got a sou. Can you spare a dime in this paradigm?
1
4,293  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
They put a moggy in a microwave – not so much hot dog as overcooked cat. Actions of cowards, rather than the brave – animal cruelty, is the name for that.
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4,460  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
We’re all blissfully ignorant but, down on our diet we need to cut. You have to know this for a start: all cows eat grass … and then they fart.
Received lots of comments & props
2
4,619  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
You don’t last long in any job – that’s strange, that’s strange. They employ you and then the plant closes; ah but then everything I know of your life – it’s strange, so strange.
1
5,568  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
He is a chatroom moderator and he’s listening to you. His job’s not to tolerate a phrase like “Oh, f*ck you!”
Received lots of comments & props
3
4,059  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My sisters married sissy little boys; though each one makes a very different noise, between the two there’s no picking – they’re different, but they’re both chicken.
3
4,727  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
My mobile phone helps inform and entertain me, on the move, I even use it as a phone – I don’t know how I ever lived without one.
Received lots of comments & props
2
3,657  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Let us be at peace with others, let us be serene. Let our hearts be full of love, as we keep our conscience clean.
1
4,357  
David Martin - Songwriter
Video
Bristol, United Kingdom
Name 
David Martin
Followers 71   
Views 709,610   
Props 839
Instruments Songwriter
Genres Folk
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