David Martin - Songwriter - Santa Claus heals his ailments with ho ho homeopathic remedies, and mulled wine makes him feel fine, with woollies for his extremities.

David Martin - Songwriter - Santa Claus heals his ailments with ho ho homeopathic remedies, and mulled wine makes him feel fine, with woollies for his extremities.

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Props

3

David Martin - Songwriter

Santa Claus heals his ailments with ho ho homeopathic remedies, and mulled wine makes him feel fine, with woollies for his extremities.

Uploaded 3 years ago

I reached for the safety of a condom, she said “Let’s make it natural, our lovemaking. Your family jewels you don’t need to guard ’em. You can be comfortable in your own skin”.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

It’s shít being me – they treat me like scum. I even got rejected by my very own mum. So a better future bodes, when the dear old sun implodes.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’ve been there, I know what it’s like, I’ve been where you wouldn’t like. Now I care for all alike. May what happened to me, never happen to you.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’m not as blue as my belly button fluff, but near enough, I huff and puff. I’m down and out, life’s so rotten, I’m all focused on my …. belly button.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’m alone, but not lonely, in a strange world. If only people could just accept me, instead of wanting to reject me.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

When will I be well? This is a living hell.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Violent night, Saturday night, all is harm, all is fight. Pounded by others who are going wild, hopefully someone an ambulance has dialled Sleep it off in A&E, sleep it off in A&E.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

She was only the butcher’s daughter, but my life she just made fraught. A day came, I couldn’t expect, how she acted just like a mad cow.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Ill-at-ease activities rarely please the Javanese; but it’s always fun to celebrate Diwali, when you’re in Bali.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Chickens are dull – you just would not pay money to see them at the zoo today. If they ever had sense, out of them it’s been drilled, and the only good chicken is one that’s grilled.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’m learning the guitar, and being a good strummer. I wish to get real far by next summer.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You may think that I am spiteful, to the holy I’m unkind, but I’m sure my return to employment will suit me just fine.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Big breasts resting on an even bigger belly – not enthralling, just appalling, more like custard than set jelly. No thanks, love, I’m watching telly.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

When you told me we were through, I didn’t know what I’d done to you. I did what I thought was right; how did we get into this plight?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Don’t you think you ought to get married? A question, a suggestion or implied instruction – with your own importance away you were carried ... How did you dare to ask me that?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I could take your woman any time I fancied. Her arm against mine left no room for doubt. A subtle little signal I discreetly answered. It’s her life, she wants me in, and you right out.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

But soon is the start of my grey autumn season, that’s making me think life is rats. Faculties falling like leaves from a tree, and so I’m nearing my time to go.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, I found out to my cost one day. Siblings got in such a state, fighting for their mum’s estate. Sharing a third is just not nifty – better to go fifty-fifty.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

He’s out of sight, he’s out of mind. Thank God we kicked him out on the street. We gave that loony’s sad behind the boot. Hallelujah for our feat!

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

The landlord had live music at the local pub – he hired a band that only played roots reggae and dub. The guitar was skanking, bass drum beat on the third, the female backing was a joy to be heard.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You suck, you suck, they think you’re such a dope. You suck, you suck, you succeed where others lose hope.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Panama Papers, Panama Papers, read all about it: rich tax dodge capers. Secret funds these days are such a must, when they are hidden in an offshore trust.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

So, butt out with your butt! Your butt’s way too big, but if you’ve not got a boyfriend, I’d quite like to get my hands right on your …. butt.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Herstory, it is just for wimmin, to find all the sheroes they are skimming records from the past, then at last at the feminist church they’ll sing hers.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My disability is a liability. I don’t conform to neuro-typicality, can’t do chit chat triviality, bored stiff with sport topicality.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

’Cause I trust you, I trust you, yes, indeed, I trust you. I trust you, I trust you, you are what I need.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My life is empty and meaningless, I wish I’d not been born. I’m crestfallen and forlorn, for life I just feel such scorn and derision, yet nevertheless ….

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’m completely screwball – my snooker has no cue ball. Normality’s no doable. I’m completely screwball.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

A better world is waiting, where we care for each other, and each vulnerable person is our sister or our brother.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

The scum cries out, downstairs they all shout. Everyone’s a lout, disorder all about. They’ve served their time, but on the top floor I’m feeling life’s a crime. Things are not sublime.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Dementia, dementia, demon dentures, voicing volatile adventures, shouting, screaming, senseless censures, reason dangles – a mind untangles.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Oh flipping, heck, it’s another sound check – testing, testing: one, two, three. Get the balance right, for once tonight. We’ll get there eventually.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I met the vanguard of the future in a Caribbean restaurant. A Polish waitress served me – it didn’t feel quite right. She wasn’t black, she was white. I’m paying money, I’m uptight!

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

What’s so intelligent about this design? I see nothing special in this body of mine. The idea of a creator is logic defied, I can’t see how their architect ever qualified.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Relent, repent, it’s almost Lent,it’s time for our religious bent. We’ll smile awhile ’cause we’ve confessed our sins with good intent.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

What comes after the afterlife? Is there an after-afterlife? Or is this already the afterlife, and no-one remembers the before-afterlife?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Sitting in a transport caff, I’m not here having a laugh, but I see the face of Jesus in my still warm slice of toast. Is it the work of the holy ghost preventing me applying cheeses?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

“I am a woman with a right to choose. I demand respect. Just what on earth is the reason for God to abuse my body with this so-called holy birth?”

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You can’t take what you deliver, ’cause you have a yellow liver, and you lack the stomach, while others suffer all your bile.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

We’re riding on the antepenultimate bus. It’s quarter past ten, just the four of us, we’re discussing anti-sexism and anti-racism, and also antidisestablishmentarianism.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

What if I told you that I loved you, would those words just not delight you? Would their meaning not excite you, and inside your passion ignite?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I can bear the pain of stones and sticks, but the sting of words forever sticks. Try to think before saying words impure. We can build a love that ever sticks.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I don’t want to go on, I just want to be gone; no reason to prolong.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

On Pastor Paul, fortune does fall, the church has seen his needs are quenched. We pay the cash, he makes a splash, and yet his followers get drenched.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Do you remember those advertising slogans, the ones that you saw on the television – commercial breaks on quarter-hour round-ups destined to send you on a spending mission?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Shame on the lot of you – on minds far from arable you can’t sow a parable, you pass by on the other side.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You seek mistreatment, you take all that tosh. Oh my goodness – oh golly gosh! Your husband took your dignity and whittled it away, now you’re completely belittled.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I'm impressed with your chest - it is a temptation test. It mesmerises both my eyes - yes now I have confessed

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Lucy, Lucy, take good care, on your journey, getting there. Let us know that it is fun, in your new life in the sun.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I'm a bastard, unwanted outcasted. No Dad at home, he was away farther, hoisting flags up his pole - he'd rather do that, the beggar, than be a real father to me.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

David can’t come out to play. His train has crashed and lost all power. He has gone right off the rails.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Up against the law, one, two, three or more, solidarity will assure justice for the poor.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My family was in the middle classes – we were not uncouth industrial masses. From bad language we did forbear, it was all hypocrisy, I sincerely swear.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You hope there’s jam tomorrow, ’cause there’s only shit today. You’re so glad to be straight, ’cause God wouldn’t like you gay.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Pair of stout boots – protect my feet from rough terrain (I’ve left the street). I’m now striding, country ramble, my life’s riding on this gamble. I’m on my way to home one day.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

One night to your house I crept, at a time you surely slept. If you'd known you would have wept - evil lurks on your doorstep.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

She’s a screwball counsellor, she’s a counsellor from hell. And you hope that she will cure you, but she’ll never make you well.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You think the world revolves around your behind – you wish that it were true, that. But the whole world knows you’re so unkind, ’cause you are a complete prat.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You went for a paddle, but your brain it was addled, and your mind it was all at sea. It’s a total wonder, your misconceived blunder didn’t give you a burial at sea.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Why doesn’t tomb rhyme with bomb? Through the womb of reason I do roam, searching for the answer with aplomb, sifting the details with a fine comb.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Now I recognise my worth, and managed to reduce my girth, I’ll find my ideal place on earth and have women by the jugful.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My disillusion, a morale intrusion, helped ever hold me back, vital purpose I lacked. Never redeployed, just abandoned, unemployed. No more was I resisting, not living, just existing.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

He’s got a green belt in town planning and a desperate dan in reading comics, with third degree burns in studio tanning from the London School of Speaking Ebonics.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I am not alone, my life is my own. Though you see me with no other, I am not alone.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Who would win a good old scrap between Denis the Menace (UK) & Denis the Menace (US)? Who would be the comic hero, and who would be the tragic zero?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Hands right off my heart and mind, let me be so bold as to strike a deal: you can’t control what I think and feel, so I’ll put me in front and you behind.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I don’t chitter-chatter, I just splutter-splatter, I would rather be alone. Although I don’t natter, I’m not mad as a hatter, I’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I wanna watch some monkey tennis, and be interviewed by Dennis Pennis, and gulp down ice-cream at Ben & Jerry’s, then get fast-acting relief by chewing Rennies.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You claim that you are happy, and that finally you’re free, but you know you’ll never find another man like me.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

And when they were up, they were up; but when they were down, they were down; and after the latest defence cuts, to one thousand they were down.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, evolution made it all.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Many people tell you that they ain’t your friend. You despise them, you fear them, you think they’re right round the bend. Make sure that you’re not on the receiving end of a DM boot.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I’m not sailing my yacht in Yate, my vessel I’ll evacuate. I just do not have a full crew, the person I’m missing is you. I’m not sailing my yacht in Yate, my vessel I’ll evacuate.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Your brains are rancid, your thoughts are not lucid, your ideas are rotten. You think with your bowels, you mispronounce vowels, and you talk, and you talk right out your bottom.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You're ignorant, like a pig you grunt, you truly are a real bore/boar. You hog the most, you're no-one's roast, though I'd turn the spit and more.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You have bad sex, she's just not skilled. You have bad sex, libido's killed. You have bad sex, you're unfulfilled. You have bad sex, there is no milk spilt.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

I didn't start this war, but I know what it's for, and I can still take more, 'cause for once I know the score.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

The book, you call a testament, has not been an impediment to all the falsehoods that you bear, whilst on that book you cynically swear.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Curse that night back in June 1954, when two unworldly humans, they had sex, and passed on their defective genes, even though they had the means to prevent a life like a hex, miserable down to its core.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Instead of coming out, you just prefer to shout. It doesn't make you macho, it just makes you a lout. You puff out your chest and boast so grandly - you haven't got a clue how to behave manly.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

There’s enough room to swing a cat in your house, and when you like you can be quiet as a mouse, but it looks like a dead horse you try to flog, when I see you just can’t control your dog.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

We were never “us”. I just had no idea. I didn’t make a fuss for an end I didn’t fear. When you rocked the boat, I took no time to think. The vessel couldn’t float ’cause you wanted it to sink.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

What’s a penny less, when you’re penniless? What makes sense when you’ve got no cents? Nobody will sue when you haven’t got a sou. Can you spare a dime in this paradigm?

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

They put a moggy in a microwave – not so much hot dog as overcooked cat. Actions of cowards, rather than the brave – animal cruelty, is the name for that.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

We’re all blissfully ignorant but, down on our diet we need to cut. You have to know this for a start: all cows eat grass … and then they fart.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

You don’t last long in any job – that’s strange, that’s strange. They employ you and then the plant closes; ah but then everything I know of your life – it’s strange, so strange.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

He is a chatroom moderator and he’s listening to you. His job’s not to tolerate a phrase like “Oh, f*ck you!”

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My sisters married sissy little boys; though each one makes a very different noise, between the two there’s no picking – they’re different, but they’re both chicken.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

My mobile phone helps inform and entertain me, on the move, I even use it as a phone – I don’t know how I ever lived without one.

Received lots of comments & props

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Let us be at peace with others, let us be serene. Let our hearts be full of love, as we keep our conscience clean.

David Martin - Songwriter

Bristol, United Kingdom

Name

Followers 71

Views 709,813

Props 839

Location Bristol, United Kingdom

Instruments Songwriter

Genres Folk

Influences Alun Parry, Billy Bragg, Jake Thackray, Joni Mitchell, Leonard Cohen, Pete Seeger, Lonnie Donegan, Woody Guthrie, Ewan MacColl, Bob Dylan, Phil Ochs

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